....The road is ever so steep.... and Bumpy

Well, there really isn't much to say. I have had pretty much no change since my last post. I've been in and out of a depressive state. I haven't heard a single thing from any hospital that I have applied to. Rejection is brutal sometimes. But all I can do is keep chipping away at it. I applied to the Boulder Community Hospital in Colorado. I would love to live there, so I thought, WHY NOT? I might as well TRY. But other than that, nothing much to say. Nancy

If there aren't any ups and downs in your life, it means you aren't living

First of all, I would like to start out by apologizing for not having written in so long. Quite honestly, it's because I haven't been thinking about it. Life has been one crazy ride lately. I am proud to say that I am officially an RN. :) Yay!!! My license arrived in the mail a few days ago. School was tough, and balancing school with work and other activities was even harder. So, I've gotten my but through nursing school and through the NCLEX. Now I'm at my next bump in the road. I need a job. I have been working at my local hospital for 2 and 1/2 years, and I made the mistake of expecting that I would get a job there. Well, to make a long story short, I interviewed for two positions and did not get either one. My assumption is because I had not yet taken the NCLEX (the nurse license exam), therefore they were unsure of whether or not I would pass when the time came to take the exam. After all of my hard work and dedication to the hospital, I took the blow very hard. It is still a little upsetting, but I have to remember that everything happens for a reason. There was a reason that I didn't get a job at that hospital. There is a reason for every single thing taht happens in our lives. Life would be pretty boring if there were no obstacles in our paths, right? So, after I got over the blues, I took the occurance as a lesson. We can't always get what we want. I have come this far. I am a nurse, and I know I can get a job. There may be bigger and better things for me out there in this big world! When one door closes, another one opens. I have not yet found that open door, but I have a feeling that good things will happen soon. So, I just want you to know, that I did learn a valuable lesson from everything that has happened. I am a nurse, and I will get a job. I know it. :) "Most obstacles melt away when we make up our minds to walk boldly through them." - Orison Swett Marden

8 Weeks and Counting

I know that my posting on this sught has been next to nothing in the past year. But the good news is that my journey through nursing school is almost over! (At least for now) I got an A in my critical care clinical rotation, and a 89% in my critical care lecture class. It's been a tough, rocky road, but I'm almost there. For my last 8 weeks of nursing school, I will be completing my Capstone, which is sort of like an internship. I will be working with one nurse who will be pretty much mentoring me through the process. It's supposed to be a very eductational experience. I'm a bit nervous, but I'm excited. My first choice for my capstone was to be in the ICU but there were no spots available, so I was placed in a tele unit. That's alright with me. I want to be a cardiac nurse, so it should be perfect. I also go excellent scores in my work evaluation. So, as you can probably tell, this week has been good to me. I am planning to take the board exam in June or July. Wish me luck!

Semester 3

Well, school started yesterday. Let me tell you, it is one heck of a job getting my butt back into gear!!! My summer break was too much fun and now it's time to get back to reality. Boohoo. But I know I can get through this, because I have to get through this. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and nursing school has done that for me so far!! Pediatrics is going to be a hard class and clinical. But I am also excited about it. :) Good luck to other students who are starting school again!!!

I apologize for not writing as much as I had before, but as I am sure that many others understand, nursing school is incredibly hecktic. I had such a hard time finding minutes (let alone hours) to do small tasks like doing laundry and making coffee. I was on the go more than ever during my last eight weeks of classes. I had clinical every week, sometimes two days, class on top of it, exams that were barely possible to pass, and work on top of everything. I'm thankful because I know a lot of people in the program who do all I do and more (with children and the likes). So, finally, the semester is over, with good grades and all. I can finally kick back and read a book that has absolutely nothing to do with Atrial Fibrilation, Digoxin and Hypertension. This is a wonderful feeling! I've been sleeping until 9, working without thinking about the study time I was missing out on, and even smiling more. It's unbelievable that I have not felt this free since before last year, before I started this hellish nursing program. Now I'm one half of the way through. I know next semester is going to be tough, but I'm going to give it my all!!

Don't Just Double-Check, Triple-Check

Wow, it's been a long time since I've written. What's to blame? None other than nursing school of course. It's been hell ever since I finished my Psych rotation. Today I had my cardiac simulation. Simulations were created for nursing students to practice certain scenarios before actually encountering them in real life. Well, I could say that my simulation went pretty well, but... I'd be lying. I forgot one of the most basic and essential things performed in nursing care. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS identify your patient with the MAR (medication administration record) and check your medication 3 times for the 7 rights (patient, reason, documentation, med, dose, time, and route)! I forgot to do that. My patient was having chest pain, I got so caught up in treating the chest pain that I forgot about making sure I had the right client BEFORE I gave the medication!!! Well, well, HUGE mistake on my part. I will hopefully never ever make that mistake again. Lesson learned, check the patient. Don't you wanna know who you're taking care of? I do. Time to catch up on the rest of my homework.

Kind of an Apology and Confession of sorts...

I am very very happy today. My psych nursing class is over. I finished both the clinical and lecture class with a B. That's solid, although in the end it won't really matter. I have been thinking about how much my nursing school occupies my time. I'm not gonna lie, it's a lot of my time. And to be honest, I don't really mind that. Some people hate school, but I'm the type of person who loves to have stuff to study for, no matter how much I tend to bitch about it. Am I addicted to stress? I hope not. It's been a crazy first eight weeks of the semester. My car broke down, I got another car that gave me hell, I faild my first exam, ended up bringing it back up to a B. I woke up extremely late for clinical one day, walked in 30 minutes late looking pretty disgruntled. The stress that I have been enduring has been written all of my face, embedded in my body language, in my yoga practice and the pushups and sit-ups I've been doing every night. You can tell me that my butt hasn't gotten bigger but I know I gained weight. Students, if you are thinking about going to nursing school, I gaurantee you, it is NOT a breeze. Nursing school is a massive storm that we go through. No, you are not snuggled up inside watching the storm out the window, you are IN the storm, hanging onto a tree branch for your dear life, praying you don't get swept away. It's unfortunate, but it is a reality that people get dropped from the program. People dropped like flies last semester, fortunately it's been better this time around, but these next eight weeks will be hell. Who knows what's going to happen. The possibility of failing a class is all too real for any nursing student. The impossibility of getting A's in all classes, let alone one, is also all too real. This isn't a walk in the park. I never expected it to be. But sometimes the reality of this situation can get me down in the dumps. And to my friends, I want you to know that my neglect has not gone unnoticed by me. I know I've been a bitch for the past eight weeks. I know I haven't really participated in study sessions, nor did I want to. I'm not going to lie, it was depressing, it still will be depressing. I feel disconnected from everyone else. You make a close-knit group the first semester and by the next, your thrown out and isolated. No, maybe not to that extent, if you haven't already noticed, I can be a bit dramatic. I have been getting down, I have been selfish. I will probably still be selfish, I will feel like noone knows what I'm going through. I've felt that way the whole semester. You can tell me that you know, you understand, but I know myself, and trust me. It won't help. I'm overwhelmed. I want to be a selfish bitch for a while. I'm sorry to the people I have put on the backburner, and I will try to socialize a bit better. I'm sure all my friends (namely nursing people who were in Med Surge) did try to include me in activities, such as Med Surge study sessions where I would be the only one studying for psych. But please, bear with me this semester. I'm crabby. It's been hard for me, as it has for all of us. I love my friends, I appreciate them. Thank you for your support. Even though it seems like I don't really care.
Love,
Nancy

D is for Death and Failing Your Test

You may be wondering why my title is the way it is. I guess I should get on the the story. Yesterday was, I guess one could say, quite eventful. Work was crazy at the hospital. I was running around non-stop from 15:00 (3:00 pm) until 23:30 (11:30 pm). I was trying to get everyone's vitals taken on top of getting people to the bathroom, transferring patients so they could go down to get CATs or X-Rays, the works, and getting an EKG in as well! I was overwhelmed. I was in that moment, where I was feeling complete pity for myself, not realizing that yes, others were busy too. But I remained calm. At least for my patients. And of course, when it rains, it pours. At about 17:15 (6:15 pm)the family member of a patient ran out of the room screaming that someone needed to help! The patient coded and didn't make it. I've seen this happen before, but for some reason it hit me hard this time. Someone died. It was her time to go, but the thing that struck me, was the grieving process of the family. It was heart-wrenching. The daughter of the patient came down from another floor (she was also a patient), and they all cried, the men sat silently in the hallway, like soldiers. Empathy is important in these times of grief. As nurses, and aids, we see death more than most. And it so happens, that people see death so much that they lose that empathetic bone, or maybe just forget that it's there. Remember, people have their own ways of grieving. Don't roll your eyes, when the grandaughter is wailing loud enough for the whole hospital to hear. Culture is so diverse, we forget to see that people do react differently to situations. I was being scolded for not tying the patient's mouth closed. I had no idea that I was supposed to do that. I never did it before. Death is different for eveyone, some grieve in silence, some alone. As a future nurse, I am learning to look at things from an unjudgmental eye.
As for my first Psych Nursing exam. I got a D, a 74%. I wanted to cry. I was just 2% from a C! But I have 2 more exams to boost my grade. I'm going to find out what I was studying wrong, and fix it. I will pass this semester! I am not going to let myself give up! I will be a nurse!
Namaste

What Life Throws at You, You Sometimes Just Have to Deal With

There has been a subsequent amount of stress in my life this past week and a half. My car died. I got another (used) car, which then decided to give me touble, including when it died at a stop-light and refused to start up again. This was all on top of taking my four classes, trying to keep up with homework and working about 30hrs last week. It summed up to be a not-so-fun week. But I survived, now I have to pass my first psych-nursing exam of the semester tomorrow at 8:00 am. I'm hoping it's not too hard. I'm thinking that this week should turn out to be much better than the last. I'm expecting that clinicals will go well, by all means, I'll MAKE it go well. I'm pretty much staying on top of all of my school work. I'm sure when my Med-Surge rotation comes around, I will be saying differently. But for now, I'm appreciating every calm moment and every easy homework assignment that is handed to me. I did a bit of a different meditation than I normally do. I don't think I made it up, but I have never read about it anywhere. Basically, since I have been through an amount of stress this past week, I did notice that there has been a bit of anger, resentment, and just a pissed-off mood, running through my veins. I started by sitting and just breathing. Paying attention to my breath. Then, in my mind I told my self to inhale good thoughts. Thoughts of love, kindness, calmness, and relaxation. As I exhaled, I exhaled all the hate, the anger, the anxiety and worry from my body. Why did I do this? Did you know that it is scientifically proven that stress has a negative effect on the human cells? Well, it does. It makes sick people sicker. Why do we get diarrhea, headaches, nausea and stomach-aches before an exam. Usually from anxiety. Yes, so if you're stressed, maybe try this simple meditation. Bring in the warm, happy, calm feelings. And exhale the stress.
Thank you and Namaste

All Was Well...

Until the new semester began. Okay, that's a bit pessimistic, and my first day back really wasn't that bad. Psych nursing seems like it's going to be a very interesting class. I have my first clinical tomorrow, which I am hoping I am prepared for. I also had pharmacology, which so far is extremely fascinating. In my opinion. It's a bit overwhelming to have been treated to such a wonderful and long break, and now being thrown back into the hurricane once again. But, surprisingly, I feel ,uch calmer. Is it because it just hasn't begun to get stressful yet? (Probably) Or because, maybe, just maybe, I've begun to know what to expect of the overloaded curriculum. I am really striving to take better care of myself this semester. Maybe drink one-less cup of coffee a day? mmmmm, nah. I think I'll stick to the coffee, I just won't let myself get love-handles this time. So, here goes!!! And I'm diving in!

Where Did the Time Go???

I can't believe I'm going to be starting back to school in less than a week. I already have a ton of homework to get through. Yep, the nightmare begins once again. But this time I'm planning on approaching it differently. I will be more confident in myself and give myself more time than I did last semester. If I need to take some time off work, I will. I've accumulated quite a bit of unused vacation hours. Yup. I will be putting full-focus on school, but I won't ignore my Yoga practice. That is essential for me. Now, I have to try to finish reading the five chapters I have assigned for my Psych nursing class. Good luck to everyone else who is in school!

New Year, New Opportunities

As this year comes to a close we can sit back and reflect on what 2010 brought for us. Was it a good year? A bad one? I am very happy to say that this year ended up being pretty good. I started working in the hospital in March and got into the Nursing Program in August. It has been a very good year. I hope that this year will bring many good things to me. I'm sure that everyone has their share of new years resolutions. One of mine is to of course, pass all of my classes, as well as to write more of this blog. but when you are making your resolutions, also remember to aim for goals that are attainable. Many times we set the bar so high that we can't reach it. Be smart in your decisions. We achieve things one step at a time. It may take time, but it will be well worth the while. Good luck and may you all have a wonderful year!
Namaste

Alas

The semester has ended for me. My first semester in nursing school is over! I ended patho with a nice B under my belt. :) I still haven't recieved my grade for nursing 111, but I'm crossing my fingers that I passed. I got a C in clinical, which is okay by me. Next semester I will be concentrating on doing even better. This winter break, I will focus on Med Surge, which is what I have next semester (the last 8 weeks). It's supposed to be a pretty hard class, so I'm a bit nervous, but I want to try to stay ahead of the game. So, for now, that's all folks. I'm going to get extra hours of work over break. And that.

Update

I guess I could write a bit of an update since I have a little time. Let's see, I have about two weeks, maybe three left of school. Ohmygoshhhh. It's crazy that this semester has gone by so fast. I mean, I'm not done yet, who knows if I will pass. And I'm not kidding when I say that. The program that I'm in is extremely difficult. A lot of people have already gotten kicked out. :( I'm doing pretty well in Patho right now. I'm getting a B. As for my Nursing 111, I'm getting a C. But a C is passing, so I'm on the right track. I'm doing better in clinical now. My instructor wrote some pretty good comments on my evaluation. I have two more clinicals before I'm done. The thing that I'm scared of the most is the lab class. We have our skills testing next monday. So, a week from now. YIKES! I have been practicing, but I feel like it hasn't been enough. We have a number of things that we could be tested on. G-Tube medication administration, IM injections, Sterile procedure, applying restraints, oropharyngeal suctioning, collecting a urine specimen from a foley catheter, oxygen therapy, dry to moist dressing changes, applying an abdominal binder, administering a cleansing enema, and I think there are more that I don't want to list. Anyway, you get the picture. So, we could be tested on any of those skills. It's pretty scary when an instructor is standing right behind you watching. Very nervewracking. So for next semester, I am going to be preparing over the winter holiday. Reding up on Psych and Med-Surge. I seriously can't wait for school to be over.
Thanks for reading!

Happy Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving! I wanted to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving.
I am thankful for my family and all the support they have shown me this past semester. I am thankful for all my friends, new and old. I am thankful for all the experiences I have had ~ What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Happy Thanksgiving.
Namaste

Thank Goodness

Well, it's been a while. I'm going to keep this post short. I know I haven't been writing much, but to be honest I'm exhausted. Gotta reserve my energy for long nights of studying. I am happy to say that I was finally able to pass oral medications as well as administer a subcutaneous injection at clinicals yesterday. I would have to say that clinicals went pretty well for me :). Better than the other days anyway. It's been a long week, but its not over yet. ^^ I have a lot of studying to do this weekend. I've got yet another exam coming up on Monday. I can't wait to get that out of the way. Thanksgiving is coming up soon. I am excited for it :) Have a wonderful holiday all. I know that I have a lot to be thankful for. I am very thankful to my family for being so supportive of me, I'm thankful for the fact that my clinical instructor is so kind and understanding. I'm thankful that I'm passing my classes!
Namaste

There Are Bright Days!

Well, the world decided to shine a little light my way. I got 100% on my Pathophysiology exam! My spirits have been boosted!!

:)

Mondays are always really hard for me. I get to school around 07:30 and don't leave until about 17:15 (5:30 pm). I was mentally exhausted today. I'm not even sure of what I want to write about. School has been going alright. I'm still passing all my classes, that's a relief. I took my fifth Pathophysiology exam today. It was on musculoskeletal disorders and neurological disorders, so kinda a heavy test. But I think I did alright. There are about four weeks left of school! I am so excited! And I cannot wait for a break. It's been more difficult that I thought it would be. This weekend, I had to work, I had to complete my holistic assessment, my self evaluation and I had to study for my Patho test. Well, I managed it. I don't like doing it this way. If I could go to school and not work, I definitly would. But this is what my life is like right now, and I will get through this. I have a support system, some of that support system wavers sometimes, but I am grateful for their understanding. I know that I may seem to not really care about other people at the moment, I feel bad, I am too self-absorbed right now. I will try harder to communicate with my friends and family. It's important to take care of my relationships as well as my career. Life is tough. But I can still enjoy every moment of it.

I'm Just Tired

This is so tough! The whole school thing, I mean. Who knew that clinical would be so HARD! After my clinical rotation at the hospital today, I went home and talked to my sister online. I burst into tears the moment I saw her. Why? Because right now, I HATE clinical rotation. It's tearing me apart. I have basically lost every bit of confidence I had. I'm always forgetting to do something. So far, in the three clinicals I have had, I've had some sort of difficulty with my patient. 1st patient: basically wasn't on the unit the whole time I was there. I got to see her once. 2nd patient: The family decided to put her on hospice that day, so they were in the room crying for most of the shift. How can I do a holistic assessment when that's happening? I really... can't? 3rd patient: Didn't think that anyone knew how sick she was, refused to talk to me about anything, yelled at me for trying to do my assessment, and yelled at her husband when he tried to talk to me. Is it obvious that I'm a bit overwhelmed??? I have to do a holistic assessment on my third patient. I worked on that for about three hours after I cried my eyes out. I think I MIGHT have enough information for this. But I'm just exhausted right now. I didn't even get to do my Med Pass today. I was supposed to do that. It's bringing me down. I'm going to talk to my clinical instructor, hopefully she can find a nice patient for me for next time. I'm not saying that I don't like the challenge, but I feel like I'm not learning enough, and I'm not doing as much as the rest of the people in my clinical group. I feel unorganized and scared. Does anyone have any pointers for me?

What Do You Do With a Difficult Patient?

What do you do when you get an extremely difficult patient? We all know that there are those people in the world who make people's lives hell. Whether they do it on purpose or not, I'm not too sure. Yesterday I had the oppurtunity (if that's what you can call it), to work with a very difficult pt. whose daughter was just like her, if not worse. When this particular patient saw me walk in, she took her finger and motioned for me to go over to her. Well, of course I did. She commenced on giving out to me, and telling me that when she got her food, I was not to just leave her there to eat it. "Well, of course!", I said, "I will help you set it up and make sure that you're comfortable." She thanked me gratefully. Sometime during the day, this woman's daughter came into the room and decided that there was no phone in the room because she couldn't find it. She looked at me and said, "Nancy, WHY doesn't she have a phone?" because obviously, the fact that she was without a phone was my fault. I smiled politely and looked around the room. I couldn't find it either. I told her that I would go and get her one. I got a bit caught up with something else and saw the daughter of the patient was at the front desk talking with the secretary. She had told the secretary that I had told her to ask the secretary to get the phone (if that makes any sense). Well, of course that wasn't the case. Thankfully the secretary was very kind and went to the room with me and found that in reality, there was a phone. I'm not sure why, but this woman was stressing me out. So much, that I wanted to cry. But, I didn't. The patient then got on my case later because her dinner had come while I was busy (bringing a body down to the morgue). This was after the family had left. She yelled at me, telling me that I had "promised" to come, and that I "never came." Yes, I understand, the hospital is a strange and scary place. But as a Tech, I have at least eight other patients to take care of. I was caring for her roommate and she was yelling my name, telling me that she needed her toothpaste at that MOMENT. No matter how many times I told her I would be there as soon as I was finished caring for her roommate, she would not stop yelling. I got so boiled up that I raised my voice. I showed her that she had a roommate by opening the curtain and told her that I have other people to take care of too. That she needs to wait for a while sometimes. She did calm down and did tell me that she would be nicer, but that was deffinitly the INCORRECT way to handle the situation. What should I have done? I was at a loss yesterday. I had been so patient, I had been calm, but my exhaustion got to the best of me. Being a nurses aid or a Patient Care Tech can help so much in learning how to deal with the everchanging situation of a hospital. What I should have done was to say, "Ok, I'm here now, what can I do for you?" In an ideal world. The patient would say thank you and calmly tell you what they need. But, unfortunately, a hospital's situations are hardly ever ideal. That's the truth. Nurses as well as Tech need to be flexible, need to anticipate, and need to be able to handle sitations. This is a job that is full of surprises. You're lucky if you get an "easy" day.