I am very very happy today. My psych nursing class is over. I finished both the clinical and lecture class with a B. That's solid, although in the end it won't really matter. I have been thinking about how much my nursing school occupies my time. I'm not gonna lie, it's a lot of my time. And to be honest, I don't really mind that. Some people hate school, but I'm the type of person who loves to have stuff to study for, no matter how much I tend to bitch about it. Am I addicted to stress? I hope not. It's been a crazy first eight weeks of the semester. My car broke down, I got another car that gave me hell, I faild my first exam, ended up bringing it back up to a B. I woke up extremely late for clinical one day, walked in 30 minutes late looking pretty disgruntled. The stress that I have been enduring has been written all of my face, embedded in my body language, in my yoga practice and the pushups and sit-ups I've been doing every night. You can tell me that my butt hasn't gotten bigger but I know I gained weight. Students, if you are thinking about going to nursing school, I gaurantee you, it is NOT a breeze. Nursing school is a massive storm that we go through. No, you are not snuggled up inside watching the storm out the window, you are IN the storm, hanging onto a tree branch for your dear life, praying you don't get swept away. It's unfortunate, but it is a reality that people get dropped from the program. People dropped like flies last semester, fortunately it's been better this time around, but these next eight weeks will be hell. Who knows what's going to happen. The possibility of failing a class is all too real for any nursing student. The impossibility of getting A's in all classes, let alone one, is also all too real. This isn't a walk in the park. I never expected it to be. But sometimes the reality of this situation can get me down in the dumps. And to my friends, I want you to know that my neglect has not gone unnoticed by me. I know I've been a bitch for the past eight weeks. I know I haven't really participated in study sessions, nor did I want to. I'm not going to lie, it was depressing, it still will be depressing. I feel disconnected from everyone else. You make a close-knit group the first semester and by the next, your thrown out and isolated. No, maybe not to that extent, if you haven't already noticed, I can be a bit dramatic. I have been getting down, I have been selfish. I will probably still be selfish, I will feel like noone knows what I'm going through. I've felt that way the whole semester. You can tell me that you know, you understand, but I know myself, and trust me. It won't help. I'm overwhelmed. I want to be a selfish bitch for a while. I'm sorry to the people I have put on the backburner, and I will try to socialize a bit better. I'm sure all my friends (namely nursing people who were in Med Surge) did try to include me in activities, such as Med Surge study sessions where I would be the only one studying for psych. But please, bear with me this semester. I'm crabby. It's been hard for me, as it has for all of us. I love my friends, I appreciate them. Thank you for your support. Even though it seems like I don't really care.
Love,
Nancy
